Better Living Through Chemistry - Part II

I've been on the Prozac now for just a day shy of 5 weeks. As hokey as this may sound, I feel like I'm living in a totally different world. I take delight in the smallest of things -- a Dutch Iris opened up in our garden overnight and this morning when I saw it, I clapped my hands in childlike glee. As I'm walking outside, I catch myself stopping and turning my face toward the sun, just reveling in it. Food tastes better! (That MAY NOT be a good thing -- LOL!) I find myself laughing and just enjoying each day more than I ever had.

But my relationship with Lisa -- WOW! Has it changed? No, I don't think so. Is it better? No, I don't think that, either. It's more relaxed, I think. Maybe a bit less stressful for her because she doesn't come home wondering whether I'll be weepy or raging that night. And with that relaxation comes such special feelings of being together, such joy, feelings I never really recognized before. I love Lisa, always have. But I can actually FEEL the love emanating out of me toward her and I can actually FEEL the love coming back at me.

I once professed to another woman that I loved her deeply, profoundly, and would do so forever, that she was the love of my life and that, even if I found another to love, it could never be as deeply as I loved her. I often wonder where she is, what she's doing, and think fondly of her but in my heart I know that the role she filled in my life was NOT to be the love of my life, but to open my heart to love and be loved by this spectacular woman that I have found on this journey in life.

Lisa and I started off talking a lot -- I found her a fascinating person to talk to, with her knowledge of so many things, her quick wit, her childlike love of cookies and ice cream, those piercing blue eyes, and that wonderful way she has of spinning a yarn. But now, five years later, we talk just as much and just as frequently. We talk to each other on our cell phones during our commute home each night, we talk about politics, abortion, world events, local events, people, friends, our days, and I STILL find her fascinating to talk to.

And, now that I'm on the Prozac, I enjoy it even that much more. I notice more things now. Like the way I find her studying me in the evenings when we're watching television. I'll say "what?" and she'll say "Nothing, just enjoying the scenery." Sometimes I'll find her looking at me and I can TELL that she's thinking how much she loves me, and I simply say "I love you too!" She grins.

Yeah, menopause isn't so bad with a Prozac chaser...