What an amazing few weeks it's been!
I had a gynecological surgical procedure on April 15th and it seems like that's when things just started slipping away from me. I had to lay low that weekend -- good thing too because the anesthesia really kicked my tookas for a couple of days. So, I spent the weekend pretty much on the couch, with Lisa hovering over me, checking to make sure I was okay, did I need something to drink, etc. What a nurturer she is!
On the 18th we finally got to the depositions, after all the delays!
The HR Director offered her usual menu of excuses, explanations, and procedures but, in the end, she couldn't defend the position she'd taken on denying the spousal benefits to me. At one point, she was asked about the lack of language for health care coverage for any spouse, and she patiently explained that "it's always been past practice to extend those benefits..." even though the union contract doesn't specifically allow the coverage. She said the college has "discretion" to offer those benefits to opposite-gendered spouses, even lacking authorization to do so in the contract. However, a short time later, when asked about another part of the contract, she adamantly insisted that she has to "live by the letter of the contract." Of course, my lawyer jumped all over that, asking her why she had to live by the letter of the contract in one area, but could "exercise discretion" in another. He then pointedly asked her two very important questions. First, is there anything in the union contract or in the college's rules, regulations or procedures that specifically defines marriage. She conceded that there was nothing in place that defined marriage. Secondly, she was asked if there was anything at all in the union contract or the college's rules or regulations that prohibited her from extending spousal benefits to same-sex partners. After some hemming and hawing, and after my lawyer pounded the question out several times, she conceded that, no, there was nothing officially precluding her from extending those benefits. I was electrified!
Next they deposed me. I'm uncertain as to why the county's lawyer asked the names and ages of my adult children (two of whom haven't lived with me for years) but he did. Basically he asked me a lot of financial questions -- how much does Lisa's health insurance cost us in premiums and unreimbursed co-pays and other expenses like prescription coverage, etc. He also asked me if it made a difference if it was called "domestic partner" benefits or "spousal" benefits. I told him that it absolutely does make a difference. He asked what the difference was and I told him that "domestic partner" benefits have to be agreed upon by my employer and the union and, just as easily as they can be written into the contract, they can be written right back out. Spousal benefits will go with me wherever I go, no matter where I work. It matters. It matters because my marriage is just as legal as his, and just as legal as the HR director's.
I got the distinct impression they were conceding the case and were already contemplating settling financially. Unfortunately for them, we're not looking for a financial settlement. We're looking for a court order that our marriage be recognized. My lawyer and the ACLU lawyers met and have decided that they're going to move to go directly to summary judgment -- avoiding a trial altogether since the facts are not in question, only the law.
He also says that, regardless of who comes out on the losing end of the ruling (and we have VERY conservative judges around here) the case is almost guaranteed to go to appeal and, ultimately, that's where we want the ruling to come from -- the state Supreme Court. It will be the first ruling of its kind in NY state -- a precedent setting ruling. Think about that. Did you ever just slam on the brakes one day and ask yourself "How did I get here?" I've been doing that a lot lately. This is a huge case, not just for me and Lisa, but for all gay and lesbian couples in this state. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by this sense of responsibility.
I ended up not taking the spring break off as I'm flying solo in the office these days. The employee that worked in the office with me tendered her resignation and then called in sick for the last week she was supposed to be here. With the end of the semester looming, and the division VP "evaluating" whether they'll re-fill the position, I've been busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger.
Stress. Stress. Stress. With so much stress, it came as no huge surprise that my blood pressure had crept ever upward (along with my weight, which probably assisted the blood pressure increase) and, by the time I had my surgery on the 15th it had climbed to an unsettling 138/90. Not heart attack country by any means, but still enough to raise an eyebrow. Add to the events in my life that goldarned menopause and you've got a formula for a pretty ugly picture that is my life. It took nothing to set me off into a rage -- I was on the phone with DishNetwork canceling my service and, while the jerk I was talking to was being condescending and infuriatingly obtuse, I was still shocked at my Linda Blair (Exorcist) imitation that day. While my son found it endlessly amusing that I called the guy "F*CK FACE," I knew that, contrary to popular belief, this just wasn't me.
I was intolerant of everything and everybody. Lisa and Joe had this "look" that they gave each other and they'd slither unnoticed out of whatever room I was in. I finally made an appointment with my doctor and told her that, if I can't gut the guy I work for and hang his entrails from my car antenna, then I need to do something about the rage and fury I seem to be experiencing. She wrote out two prescriptions -- one for my blood pressure, and one for Prozac.
So, I've been taking my Prozac and actually feel better in many ways, even after only just a couple of weeks. I feel more energetic mentally, and am actually enjoying being alone at work. I'm keeping up with the work without any problems at all, and still have lots of "play time." I'm riding my bike again (which has always been good therapy) and knitting my fingers off in the evenings. Lisa noted just yesterday that the "edge" seems to have smoothed out some. I think that if she's mentioning an improvement, she's relieved and she was affected more than she let on. I no longer feel like I want to gut my boss, I just shrug and try to ignore any thoughts of him.
Lisa's mother finally had her open heart surgery yesterday morning. She went down Sunday at around noontime so she could have dinner with her parents and sister for Mother's Day. It's amazing how accustomed we get to having physical presence around us and, when that physical presence is gone, nothing seems right. I miss Lisa terribly but I also have found that, with the help of Prozac, I'm comfortable with my own company. I've made a lot of progress on my knitting project and am very pleased about it, as well as the fact that I've bothered to keep the house picked up and the laundry done. Joe worked Sunday until about 6:30 and he and I had a nice steak dinner at home. He worked last night until 9:00 and got home about 9:15, but was either coming down with a cold or allergies. He mixed me a very tasty Amaretto Sour (yeah, I know, I shouldn't drink while taking meds...) and chatted with me for a little while before he went downstairs to take a hot shower to steam out his sinuses. I decided it was a good time for me to head off to bed, too. The only positive to Lisa being gone is that I've run the fans at full bore the past two nights, without one iota of concern for anyone else being cold. By golly, I wasn't hot!
Lisa will be home today, later this afternoon. She was going to see her mother one last time during the 12:30-1:00 visiting hour (her mom's still in ICU) and then leave from the hospital to come home. Later this week, maybe even on the weekend, she'll go back down to care for her mother after her discharge from the hospital either Friday or Saturday. She'll stay a few days to make sure her mother is doing well, and to give her sister some relief from being just about the only person caring for mom and dad during this whole ordeal.
The weather is absolutely gorgeous -- it's been sunny and warm for the past few days. The rain will set in later this afternoon, but that's okay. The perennials that are poking their first tentative leaves out need the rain. Our gardens are coming back to life, the front beds alive with red tulips, white hyacinths and blue grape hyacinths. The smell of freshly mowed grass is in the air, along with the sweet smell of lilacs and that freshly scrubbed smell the world seems to have after the spring rains.
Ah yes...better living through chemistry.
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