Gay Agenda Misplaced, Feared Lost

The Human Rights Campaign (HRC), the nation’s largest national gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender political organization is facing harsh criticism from other gay rights groups over the apparent loss of the 2006 Gay Agenda.

HRC spokesperson, Steven Fisher, broke the news yesterday at a press conference in New York. “We had this year’s final gay agenda drafted. We sent one of our interns to make copies, and he inadvertently left it on a crosstown bus on his way to Kinkos.”

The highly sensitive document, a political playbook of sorts for homosexual activists, was to be distributed to a select group of high-ranking gay rights leaders next month at the annual Lavender Law conference and Tea Dance.

When asked why HRC kept no backup copies, Fisher went on the defensive. “You can’t have multiple copies of the Agenda just floating around. As in prior years, we maintained only one copy of the 2006 Agenda to make certain it didn’t fall into the wrong hands. Obviously, conservative Christian groups would love to get an advance peek of what we’re up to. Secrecy is vital! Our continued, successful assault on traditional family values depends on the element of surprise.”

Fisher closed yesterday’s press conference with assurances that steps were being taken to rectify the situation. “HRC takes full responsibility for the Agenda’s loss. The intern has, of course, been shot. Also, we’ve made repeated calls to New York Transit Authority’s Lost and Found department.”

But Fisher added that since the binder containing the Agenda has not been turned in as yet, “we are appealing to the homosexual bus-riding community to be on the lookout for it. It’s in a vinyl Hello Kitty Trapper Keeper. If anyone sees it, please contact HRC immediately.”